Zebra King Slayer Playing Cards
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ZEBRAS, LIES, CRASH-DIETS & MAYHEM IN ELLUSIONIST'S SINISTER SUMMER RELEASE
Written by Dante Thunderstone, May 19th 2020 - Playing Card Wildlife Weekly.
Ellusionist is always at the forefront of everything in the magic and playing card industries.
They were the first to make custom decks, the first to teach magic online, their team members were the first people to own dogs and we're pretty sure they were one of the first to buy bitcoin back on January 2nd 2009.
Today, they push one more envelope with Zebra King Slayers. In this exclusive release, Ellusionist has managed to collaborate with all Zebras. Like... ALL of them.
It's been traditionally known that Zebras rarely answer the phone, preferring instead, to graze in peace... but when Canadian-born, African-raised, American-residing founder of Elluisionist, Brad Christian calls - you pick up.
EVERYONE'S FAVORITE HORSE
We reached out to Brad to ask him 'why Zebras?' and he didn't respond. A source close to Brad said that when Brad's retina detached in 2018, everything he saw was striped, so he called world-famous designer Oban Jones to put Zebra stripes on the back of playing cards. Profiting off this palatable pattern.
Wanting to be authentic, Oban enlisted the help of a real Zebra life-model from the Serengeti who's name is unknown. Using the pattern on it's left hind-leg to adorn this beautiful deck and for the first time in history, getting the expressed approval of everyone's favorite horse, Zebras.
But after Tanzanian locals started to see less Zebras, a dark and sinister rumour emerged about Ellusionist's manufacturing processes.
INFUSED WITH REAL ZEBRA
After looking at Zebra King Slayers under the microscope it starts to become clear that the rumours may be true. Each card is said to be infused with real Zebra and that seems to be backed up by local residents of the Serengeti. One source, who wishes to remain Anonymous told us that he "saw them loading Zebras onto trucks in the middle of the night."
Ellusionist so far have denied these claims, preferring instead to give an official response... "Our cards are printed at Cartamundi in Belgium on luxury pressed E7 stock. The paper is ecologically sourced and from what we've been told, is FSC compliant and sustainable... using only water-based inks in our printing of this deck. At no point do we crush Zebras to make this deck."
We've yet to independently verify their claims, but encourage readers to text our tip-line on +1 888-970-8923 if you have any further information.
SHEDDING THE POUNDS
Being the thorough Journalists that we are, we did some digging into this crushed-stock claim for Zebra King Slayers for Playing Card Wildlife Weekly. It turns out, not happy with the initial B9 Zebra stock, Ellusionist put this deck on a diet and enlisted help of celebrity trainer Cade Vin Diesel - to help this field-camel lose it's hump.
Now, after 6 weeks of rigorous emailing, it emerged with an ultra-thin waist, holding the shape of a luxury-pressed E7 slimline deck. Following in the hoof-steps of it's comrades the Cohorts, new King Slayers (not officially released) and new Republic LA & Artist Edition decks (sold out).
After putting it in our callipers, it's shed about 6 cards of thickness compared to a basic B9 b**ch that you may be used to.
SOON TO BE ENDANGERED
Up until now these decks have only been available on Ellusionist's not so secret, secret menu - or in previous playing card promotions. Today, for the first time, they're released to you and me.
Although not expressly said, a source close to Ellusionist told us that they have no plans to re-print this deck. Meaning this rare specimen of nature, is about to be endangered.
With only 5,000 printed and few remaining, this summer's hottest deck is sexy, sleek, slim, striped and scarce.
You can buy this exclusive animal Kingdom collab, Zebra King Slayers at ellusionist.com, $10 per deck.
BLACK MARKET WILDLIFE TRAFFICKING
To commemorate this release, Ellusionist is giving 1 lucky buyer the chance to WIN a REAL Zebra.
At random, one lucky buyer will win the 'keys' and adoption pack to a one of a kind (not true) WWF adoption pack, paid for, in full by Ellusionist. This means we'll adopt a Zebra for you, on your behalf and they'll be yours.
With the adoption pack, you'll receive a plush Zebra toy and details about how your adoption has helped your Zebra in their natural habitat. All of this will be shipped to the winner, for FREE, anywhere in the world. So you're able to tell your friends that you own a Zebra... and it'll be mildly true.
For full terms and conditions, please email email@example.com